If you go to the beach to sunbathe, you are in for both high risk and high reward. The reward would be receiving Vitamin D, tanning for a deeper pantone, and spending time in the sun. Trips to the beach are meant to recharge the soul, however, sunbathing presents the risk of experiencing sunburn, UV radiation damage to the skin cells, and increases the likelihood of developing skin cancer. Without protection – a trip to the beach can be a huge risk, however, by exercising autonomy you can be proactive in the boundaries you place against the sun. The sun is something to be enjoyed, but without protection there is no way to prevent harm. There is 100% reward in setting up a boundary between you and something you may enjoy. The greatest form of protection from heat damage is by wearing sunscreen, a boundary designed to soothe the skin and keep you safe while having fun.
People with no boundaries are in danger of experiencing more harm than just sunburn. People who struggle with exercising autonomy also experience challenges in harm reduction and prevention. Without the confidence to enforce one’s boundaries, an individual could be made to feel easily swayed by the thoughts, decisions, or intentions of others. The uncertainty of someone else’s intentions for you is not to be trusted but accepted and expected. It is safer to assume the worse than it is to assume the best, although pessimistic preservation of one’s autonomy is the ultimate goal. Enforcing boundaries is the first layer of defense against any kind of harm. Personal boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships.
As quoted by Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.”
Exercising autonomy starts here – in stating what you will tolerate and won’t. Unfortunately, this comes with saying no and preferably with some bass in your voice. Or at the very least, enforcing boundaries without exception. For example, when someone is interested in being intimate with you, they should always ask for consent. If they do not comply with your consent boundary – that means no access to intimacy. If they express interest in being intimate without using protection – that means no access to intimacy. Like sunbathing, the activity seems fun but without protection there is more risk than there is a reward. People who struggle with saying no are placed with the most harm without reward. The risk of HIV transmission without condom use varies depending on sexual activity – receptive anal sex without a condom presents 1 in 72 chance of contracting HIV per exposure. Receptive fellatio without condom use presents 1 in 2500 chance of contracting HIV per exposure. Comparatively, nonsexual activity still presents risk – sharing needles during drug use presents 1 in 158 chance of contracting HIV per exposure. A key factor determining the risk of transmission is the amount of virus present in body fluids. When using prevention, the risk is significantly reduced. Condom use during anal sex has a risk reduction of 70%. Condom use during vaginal sex has a risk reduction of 71%. If an HIV + individual is taking HIV treatment, reduction in risk is 96%. If an HIV + individual is taking HIV treatment and having an undetectable viral load, reduction in risk is 100%.
With compassion, consent, and protection – harm is nearly eliminated. We all want to play in the sun, but it must come with boundaries. If you are someone who struggles with advocating for yourself, do not allow someone else to make decisions for you. If you are considering being intimate with someone who makes an excuse for not using protection, they will have many excuses for the harm they put you through. People who care for you will want to protect you, not place you in front of harms way. With love, I hope this article has encouraged you to find and exercise your voice in boundary setting.